Ultimate useless SEO tips for 2013

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Ultimate useless SEO tips for 2013



Ultimate useless SEO tips for 2013

Posted on .
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All those pessimistic souls writing about the end of the world are the same ones writing about the permanently premature SEO industry passing away. The Mayans predicted the end of the SEO world for 2013, the exact date was not provided although some archaeologists found out it might be around MozCon dates. Brace yourself.

With this dramatic scenario, I can only provide nonsense. Let”s make from our SEO world a better place where monochromatic animals are welcome. Of course none of these improvements will ever be included on Diana Urban”s HubSpot“s slightly-way-too-frequent emails.

I hereby recommend:

Don”t shoot the messenger. Performance increase 100

Let search engines know where the link is going, they appreciate a little help. Anchor text is the perfect messenger, therefore use perfect anchor text. If afraid of penguin you are know you should penguins can”t fly, everybody knows that.

A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Performance increase 60

Don”t think twice, we are all still shocked on how harmful bad or weak links are, it only takes one weak link to pull you down. Why should you waste all your efforts on expensive, colourful links? Just make all them weak. A weak link on an already weak chain can only be 1.


Don”t bite the hand that feeds you. Performance increase 60

Why do we link to other sites while online casino’s we want to appear in Google? If you need to quote something or someone just link to a Google result, be Google-friendly, be Google-proof.

Every dog has its day. Performance increase 90

I have also written about outreach emails and how wrong are we doing it these days. Why are we wasting time trying so hard to find the best relationship-building email? My biggest piece of advice would be to use a template with Obama”s most successful subject line ever “Hey”:


Your site <> is almost awesome as mine. Would you like to enhance it with a link pointing to my site?

You are welcome,

Send them all over, think big. Are you running out of fingers to count incoming links? I know. Use Google drive spreadsheet to file them.

If it ain”t broke, don”t try to fix it. Performance increase 100

We the websmiths like to check everything, get data from everywhere, and be sure whether  A or B is performing better. Leave it, stop running never-ending tests and compiling loads of data. Seriously if it ain”t broke, don”t try to fix it. There is no reason for the perfect-converting landing page to be changed. Shut your Google Analytics account down. For Google”s sake.


Less is more. Performance increase 1000

How long does it take to create the perfect title tag including 1 or 2 keywords and 55 characters of the finest poetry? Keep it simple, less is way more, write 3 keywords, plain and simple: Keyword 1 | Keyword 2 | Keyword 3. Lay back and wait.

Disclaimer, no animals where injured while writing this post. Brains can be irreversibly damaged.

Have fun, Merry Christmas and Happy 2013.


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Gerard Gallegos

  • w.jno-Baptiste

    lol too funny

    • GerardGallegos

      ha! thanks

  • Julian Redlich

    Oh man!! Thats sooo funny:D

    • GerardGallegos

      Good you liked it Julian

  • david andreu

    Good one. I’ll follow your tips, as I do with all the useless ones (your words!)

    • GerardGallegos

      haha !!

  • Vince Aquino


  • Jason Diller

    Is this real life?

  • Spook SEO

    Hilarious post, Gerard! LOL Ultimately useless, indeed! We really need a breather post like this sometimes. Looking forward to see more rubbish tips for 2014.

  • Jason Diller

    Just sent this to my interns… Ya know, to get them up to speed! #seo

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